I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
