Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
