What did we do last night that was yellow?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
