insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
