I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
