i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
