Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
