I need to stop coming to work sober
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
