Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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