I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
