the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
