if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Holy sore nipples Batman
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
