I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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