You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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