he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
