You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
