I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
we're making bets on your personal life
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
