We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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