I am in a vortex of obligation.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
