Got a toothbrush?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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