If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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