So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
