These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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