dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
