Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm just crazy horny about you
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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