we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We had sex on a dog bed..
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
