do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
