so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
