I'm sorry my penis didn't work
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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