Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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