yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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