Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
