I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
then he tried to convert me to islam
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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