I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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