I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
