Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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