At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
