how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
