we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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