You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
