I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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