I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
