she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
