A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize