You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
