Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
