OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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