I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
