Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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