Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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