You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
