bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
