I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
