I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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