My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
