Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
