Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
