grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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