24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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