Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
