Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
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Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
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So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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