last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
