shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize