Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
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I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
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I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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