Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
