I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
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Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
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He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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